is your mom at the bar?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
