Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i've created a new STD.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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