R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
