God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
