So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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