She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
