it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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