Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
