remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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