id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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