Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
