My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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