Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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