Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
