I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
