I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
