I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
