why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
