My hand turned me down
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
