let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
