I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
