So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
