YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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