i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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