had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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