I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
