I look better un-naked...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
