I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
