I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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