Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
