We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
