that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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