Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
