just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
