She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
