his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
