He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
