i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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