My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
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the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
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What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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