I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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