I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
