I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
