Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
