So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
