Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
