mondays should just be called national damage control day
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
