I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
