I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
