sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
