This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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