...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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