remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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