Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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