I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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