Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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