Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
