Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize