We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Im part way to drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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