I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
apparently the secret to your success is patron
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
