We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I am in a vortex of obligation.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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