While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
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So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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