i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
