I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
